Artificial shortage.
Man, it sure is delicious. That feeling of having something rare and the anger toward its rarity. That bittersweet combination that compels you to BUY BUY BUY. What am I talking about? Duh, it's eggnog season! Every year this time comes around when you can get your hands on this delicious beverage, but only for a limited time! It just has to be done, my rampant unchecked consumerism will settle for nothing less.
I've heard you can actually get it year-round or something like that. Not sure who these wizards are or what secret labs they find this magical concoction in, but I automatically regard the claim with suspicion. There's no way the merciless dairy tyrants would allow their scheme to be undermined. I've also heard about people who literally put it in the freezer or whatever and drink it in the middle of summer. Freaky and unnatural if you ask me!
Man this stuff is terrible.
It's so good it's bad. Or so bad it's good. I can't tell which to be 100% honest. All I know is that I wait for it every year and then pour a super tall glass of it. I'd say around 2-3 gulps in I start feeling like I've made a terrible mistake and eye the rest of the glass like "DEAR GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE?". You keep drinking it though because its delicious and you don't want to waste it. By the end you feel queasy but satisfied and stow away the carton... where it hides silently, haunting your thoughts. You really want more at some point but the lingering taste reminds you of how truly gross it was in its own way.
Just looking at the glass, it's impossible not to feel the film on your tongue. Why do you have to swallow about 3-4 times before your mouth is normal again? Egg nog is awesome but I dislike having to rinse my glass immediately every time I'm done having a swig. You can't even just relax and put it down until you go to the kitchen later. The torture continues.
Speaking of torture, what's the deal with eggnog based drinks? There's always that one person that suggests the good ol' rum + eggnog combo. I say "good ol'" in the same sense as I talk about drinking gin. People say its awesome and I want to like it but... it's just so gross. Just look at the way the rum and the eggnog immediately separate as if to say "no why what are you doing". Then you're expected to drink that and let it curdle in your stomach. And you will, because everyone is doing it, and it's part of the gauntlet of fall/winter culinary experiences you're going to subject yourself to. Just like soggy bread ( stuffing ) and gelatinous fruit ( cue the fight to the death over what kinds of cranberries to have ).
...
Really why do you have to have two bowls of the exact same food, but with different textures? Isn't that weird?
This seems pretty off-topic for this blog.
Hey! Not every fight for the fabric of society and virtue is to the death. Sometimes you've just got to grapple with the small things in life. There's hundreds of little things that gang up on people during the holiday seasons. Eggnog is just another delicious, delicious enemy. Don't forget that your fellow citizens from all walks of life are going to be having the same family arguments, bills, socks for christmas, family out of town, etc. Give to the food bank if you can, do something nice, don't squabble too much at Thanksgiving. Let politics watch from the sidelines or at the very least, be solely productive.
Oh, and go get eggnog while you still can! It'll all be gone before you know it!
No comments:
Post a Comment